He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
