Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize