idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
