Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
