is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
