apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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