hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
