Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
