So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
