and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
