Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I touched a dick in church today
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
