just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
