guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
