this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
