I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
