i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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