Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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