Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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