I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
