Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize