I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
