Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Randomize