super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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