Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
