Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
