Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
