I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
too bad you live with your parents still
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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