Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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