remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Walk of Shame today included voting.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
