I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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