Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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