She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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