WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fuck appropriateness.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
