someone get that fucking seahorse.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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