I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
