you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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