if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
