Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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