Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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