You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
