9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
