her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
