you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize