Someone shit on the floor
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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