My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
