This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize