quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
