she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize