so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
