Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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