what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
