I could make wine with my vomit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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