called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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