New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
