I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
