are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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