Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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