Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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