I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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