So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize