You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
