I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
