I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
