We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize