how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize