Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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