i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
