It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
