you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
