wrigley field is MILF paradise
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just found puke in my bra..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
