i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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