she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
